Chuck Norris Jokes, Again

I wanted to throw in a couple more funny Chuck Norris lines.

“Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.”

“Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.”

Q & A By Jeff Chu, Time Magazine, Annual Issue, March 20, 2006

Time: You’re a rare show-biz Republican.

Chuck: If I found a Democrat I like, I’d support him too. When
President Bush was Governor of Texas, I felt he was a strong leader.
And I felt he’d be a strong leader of the country. But I wouldn’t want
to be in his shoes for all the money in the world. A group in Texas
tried to get me to run for Senator, but I’ve got more important things
to do.

Time: Like being an online cult hero. There are these weird but wildly
popular sayings like “Chuck Norris can divide by zero.”

C: To say I’m surprised is an understatement. I take it as a compliment.

T: Do you even send e-mails?

C: I told you, I’m from the Wild West. I write by hand.

98 Responses to “Chuck Norris Jokes, Again”

  1. Paranoia says:

    1) Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

    2)Chuck Norris does’nt beleive in Germany.

    3)Every night when the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    4)Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite, Chuck Norris bites frost.

    5) Contrary to popular belief, the U.S is not a Democracy, it is a Chucktatorship

  2. Chucky says:

    The only things that can cut diamonds are diamonds and a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris’ mom called him Charles…once.

    Chuck Norris doesnt wear a condom, there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

    hahaha I love these jokes.

  3. deans says:

    chuck norris doesn’t have achin, under his beard is another fist

  4. adam says:


  5. Scott says:

    Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

  6. chuckster says:

    chuck norris did a one year tour in Iraq in 3 months

  7. chuck norris is strong

  8. wuntymer says:

    Chuck Norris is so manly he once won Mr. Universe by flexing his eyelids.

  9. wuntymer says:

    When God through Lucifer and his minions out of heaven he only spoke two words… Chuck Norris.

  10. FRY514 says:

    That one kid pretendig to br Chuck Norris is anoying.

    Chuck Norris can do a wheele on a unicycle.

  11. Disciple of Chuck Norris says:

    Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

  12. Bovice says:

    Jesus walks on water Chuck Norris walks on Jesus

  13. adrianna says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite, Chuck Norris bites frost

  14. dman says:

    chuck norris’s Sperm melts condoms

  15. Chris says:

    Chuck Norris once trained in the Sahara Forest… it’s a desert.

  16. RideRedHondas...Jessi says:

    while standing, chuck norris can easily weld titanium… and wood

  17. Iggypop says:

    When chuck saw the Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny He got his Revenge

  18. Chuck master says:

    chuck norris doesnt open doors, doors open for chuck norris

  19. WORSHIP CHUCK says:

    Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer, too bad chuck norris never cries

  20. nico says:

    the dinosaurs became extincted because of the chuck norrisaurus rex.there’s no steroids in baseball, just players that chuck norris breathed on.chuck norris eats sheets of metal in the mornig and shits out a tool shed at lunch.chck norris ate rice paper and shit out oragami and Mr. miyagi from the karate kid.scientists say that dinosaurs became extinct because of a giant meteor, this is true if you wanna call chuck norris a giant meteor.chuck norris doesn’t take showers, hetakes blood baths.

  21. nico says:

    chuck norris uses live rattlesnakes as condoms

  22. nico says:

    if chuck norris is late, time better slow the fuck down!!!

  23. nico says:

    cuck norris once roundhouse kicked so fast it broke the speed of light and he went back in time and roundhouse kicked amelia earhart while she was crossing the pacific ocean

  24. yodawg says:

    chuck norris was the fourth wise man. He gave jesus the gift of “beard” which jesus wore proudly till the day he died. in fact, jesus showed so much gift favoritism that the other three wise men used their combined clout to remove chuck from the bible.


  25. Tro says:

    Santa Claus is really Chuck Norris from the future giving back to the kids of the victims in which he’s killed from roundhouse kicks.

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